move on, move on, move away

Time flies these days. Its barely 10 days from christmas. I ll soon graduate. well i hope, i ve passed all those exams. Anyways......

A lot of people keep askin me these questions? What are you doing? Whats new? What are you up to?
And my answer would almost everytime be...nothing. My life is boring.

Well this is true on one side, cause it feels like its boring to me. Then there is so many things going on inside of me, that really keep my mind occupied.
I m just wondering, when.......just when........ when will i finally be able to move on.
Let go off the past, clear my mind. See my mind is controlling my whole life. From sleeping habbits...to moods....to practice....to studying.....to eating patterns....to even my sexual life....
its just wrong..you know...you re supposed to be able to let yourself go. Just stop thinkin for a while. I never can. Sometimes I really ponder, just getting wasted, so for a couple of mins i can be numb. Just dont feel my body no more.

well thats not workin either...cause the next day i d feel worse. anyways the point is. I should be better in self control and i should block my emotions even more. Yes its stupid, cause sometimes i feel numb towards other people. actually a lot of times. i dont even know what feelings towards others are sometimes.

So its gonna be decision time for me soon. in a lot of ways. more than i can put down here, but one of the most important ones is my job, which i hope i find, i just dont know where yet...but i guess, i ll find that out eventually.

anyways, unfortunately i have to cut this blog short, cause i need to go help out on baseball stuff.
i ll try to continue this later....maybe....